Embracing Solitude

Next Steps:
Hello, my name is Brandon, and I want to thank you for joining me on my journey. 

2025 Kaleidoscope:

Kaleidoscope: The Self I Buried, The Self I Became

I buried the imposter wearing my name,
stitched smiles on skin that never fit,
spoke in tongues I didn’t recognize
just to be understood.

But the silence remembered me.
In the grave of forgetting,
I unearthed the self I left behind, 
mud-slicked, star-eyed, and waiting.

I gathered the pieces I once hid
like sacred relics in dust-covered corners.
They weren’t broken. Just patient.
Just mine.

I burned the script they wrote for me,
pages curling like old lies in flame,
and in that ash
I found my voice, raw and untrained.

I was never lost. Only veiled.
The soul within me never moved,
only waited for the shedding
of every borrowed skin.

Now I rise,
rebuilt from echoes and fire,
not who I was,
But never again who I wasn’t.

In April, I discussed wanting to rediscover my roots and rebuild myself to who I was before. But you see, I was wrong about becoming who I was before. In Winter, Los Angeles faced many fires that burned away the flowers that used to be there, and in some cases, the roots of vegetation can often burn as well. So you see, Spring isn’t just about restoring oneself, but it’s also about renewal. After fires in California, we often see a new flower pop up called the Fire Poppy (one of my favorites). A symbol of hope after such brutal destruction. A symbol of hope that keeps us going when water comes pouring down on us in the form of ICE. You see, I am not only picking up the roots that I could find from my past, but becoming someone new. 

This month, I am only calling those who call me, supporting those who support me, and ignoring those who ignore me. Pardon my French, but everyone else can fuck themselves. Let my absence be a reminder. My ship is setting sail, and they can watch me from the shore. I’m off to find the new me across the ocean. In a more literal sense, I removed 95% of the people I followed on my page and kept the 5% that were there for me. Some may only reach out once every 2 months, but their words carry more weight than the people I used to see every week in school. 

Let this shard of myself be the color cyan.