Kaleidoscope
2025: Kaleidoscope
“The idea behind a kaleidoscope is that it is a structure filled with broken bits and pieces, and somehow, if you can look through them, you will see something beautiful. And I feel like we are all that way a little bit”
-Sara Bareilles
Red January - Exercising and Losing Weight!
I decided to do my resolutions differently this year by focusing on one word: “kaleidoscope.” The year 2024 brought on many changes that have reshaped who I am in more ways than one. Every time you turn the chamber, a new combination is created. There are infinite possibilities and beauty that can be seen. Over the past few months, I’ve dropped a lot of weight, which sounds nice in theory, but it wasn’t on my terms. So, I’m taking this chance to turn the chamber and focus on my first goal for the year: being more consistent with working out. Last year, I had to stop seeing my trainer because I fractured my foot, and in September, I felt defeated climbing Mt. Rainier. I want to make sure I’m healthy enough to run the distance I want.
Let this shard of myself be the color red.
All Races Completed
- Angkor Wat (20 Miles – 15 days)
- Inca Trail (26.22 Miles – 16 days)
- Jesus Trail (39 Miles – 28 days)
- While this race is done, my walk with Christ continues.
- The Socereror Stone (70.21 Miles – 34 Days)
Current Virtual Races
- The Chamber of Secrets (71.51 Miles)
- 13.61 Miles Remain (16 Days)
- Conqueror 2025 (1000 Miles)
- 697.73 Miles Remain (as of 5/21/25)
Going to the Gym
- Signed up for Gym Membership
- Sessions with Personal Trainer: 3
- Visits to the Gym: 6
Upcoming In Person Races
Rose Bowl Virtual 5K Practice
Time: 01:04:27
Conquer the Pier
Santa Monica Classic 5K
A Charlie Brown 5K
Yellow February - Reading for Fun and Faith
Kaleidoscope: The Other Side of Chaos
My mental health has been a struggle this year, so a friend recommended I read The Other Side of Chaos by Margaret Silf. It reminded me of the gaps and bridges in life and how sometimes I just have to take a leap of faith into this next chapter. I think I was scared of the change and forgot to embrace the chaos and go with the flow of life, remembering that these transitions are part of those liminal spaces between two different moments in time. One of the chapters had me crying because it ironically started off talking about the kaleidoscope. On some nights, we might need to be shaken up. Sometimes, our experiences are shattered into pieces, and we can’t make sense of the new pattern; it takes us somewhere new, a recreation. It’s a huge risk we take but sometimes it takes burying a seed to let it grow! My second goal for this year is to read more books for fun and pleasure and to learn more. I’ve spent the past three years reading too many academic articles and books that I forget how to slow down to truly absorb what the book is trying to share with me. I guess it’s that human connection. Additionally, I decided to try doing a Bible study for the first time. I decided to do it in English, which will be interesting since I grew up reading the Bible in Spanish.
Let the shard of myself be the color yellow.
Books Read
- January
- Unmasking Autism: Discovering the New Faces of Neurodiversity by Devon Price
- February
- The Other Side of Chaos: Breaking Through When Life is Breaking Down by Margaret Silf
- March
- Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl
- The Pilgrimage by Paulo Coelho
- April
- Sunrise on the Reaping by Suzanne Collins
- The Revenant Games by Margie Fuston
- Mexican Gothic by Silvia Moreno-Garcia
- May
- The Ministry of Time by Kaliane Bradley
- Silver Elite by Dani Francis
- The Poppy War by R. F. Kuang
Currently Reading
- If Only I Had Told Her by Laura Nowlin
- Murdle Volume. 1 by G.T. Karber
- On Puzzle 21
- I am also rereading 1984 by George Orwell, as part of a recovery journey for a friend.
- Fourth Wing by Rebecca Yarros
DNF (Did Not Finish)
- The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson
Green March - Rebuilding My Faith Life
Kaleidoscope: Clarity Through Him
Sometimes, we are unsure of where we want to go in life. In 2020 I said that I had 20/20 vision for what I wanted to do with my life after spending time reflecting. I didn’t realize that I saw life through rose-colored glasses. In late 2024-2025, I came to see how God revealed the symmetry and purpose of the broken shards in my life. I can see his love and power through the pain and afflictions suffered. This year, for my third intention, I want to spend more time in prayer and putting my heart into the things I do. On the third day, Jesus rose, and I started my third virtual race I have decided to dedicate it to him who helps me see. I will be walking a virtual rendition of the path that Jesus walked through.
Let this shard of myself be the color green.
Faith Life
- First solo bible study: Chronological
- Currently on 2 Samuel
- Start attending church regularly again
- Serving in the Knights of Columbus
- Third Degree Knight
Purple April - Finding my Roots
Kaleidoscope: Hear my Echo
Something about this year feels like an invitation. Not loud. Not urgent. Just a soft nudge to come home to myself. This year, I choose to return to myself.
Not the polished version, and not the one who performs on stage—but the one who remembers how to take a deep breath, laugh without holding back, and dream without permission.
I’ve been moving fast, doing what needs to be done, but I’ve missed my presence being near.
This year, I want to slow down.
Reconnect with parts of me that I’ve ignored.
I peel back the layers,
not to discard what I’ve been,
but to touch what I forgot-
the softness, the strength, my spark.
The version of me that paints just because.
The one who dances in the kitchen,
raises his hand in every class, writes late at night,
sits in silence without rushing away.
Rediscovery isn’t about reinventing who I am-
It’s about remembering. I’m still here,
under the layers of routine.
A noise calling out.
This year is for listening,
so I choose to listen.
It’s for sitting still long enough to hear my voice,
and trusting that it still knows the way.
Honestly, the few years that I was at Antioch University I never quite felt like myself. I felt like I was constantly hiding behind a mask among a cohort that did not feel safe to be around. There are times when I regret not choosing to return to my alma mater. Anyhow, can’t change that now, but I can focus on living in the moment. I’ve decided to create a new Instagram that serves as my daily journal. An unfiltered version of myself that showcases my life, and not the polished and curated posts I do on my photography account.
Make sure to check it out!
Instagram: SweepIt_UnderTheMatt
Let the shard of myself be the color purple.
Blue May - Remembering to Breathe
Kaleidoscope: Fresh Air
When one tries to slow it down, one must remember to breathe. When we slow down, the body needs oxygen to refuel itself, as it tries to expel all that carbon dioxide from running. In that slowing down, we rest and reset for the next step.
While sharing my testimony with people down in Los Angeles, I have been reminded that things in our lives sometimes happen for a specific reason. In addition to doing my chronological bible study, I flip to a random chapter in the bible and find a verse to reflect on for the day. Recently, I read Jeremiah 29:11, where the Lord declares, “For I know the plans I have for you, ‘plans to prosper you and not harm you, to give you hope and a future.'” As I reflected on this verse, I realized that God might ruin my plans so that my plan wouldn’t ruin me. I might be praying for something to work out at work, for a specific girl to stay in my life, but then the situation goes south. God might remove it from my life (like leaving Antioch University), and it hurts a lot in the moment, but after months, a year, or even years, it all makes sense why it happened.
It was to shape and reshape me like a pot of clay. In these places where I am broken and remolded, I can breathe and slow down. I’m not in a race against anyone but myself. My life has its timeline, and in the meantime, I can look at the areas I need to grow in.
Rather than rushing into another relationship again, I recognize that I want to prioritize being the best version of myself first. Making sure I can do all I need on my own, learning to satisfy myself and be happy, then I will be on the right path. Because then I can find a future spouse who will complement me. Not just someone who is my other half, but my other whole. I may have already met them in my life, but it’s also possible that we may live in different cities, and in a matter of time, we will wind up in the same one.
While this month does not have a specific measurable trait, I can lean into prayer for future decisions I make. I can meditate and reflect on my teachings this month. Sometimes you can’t run the entire race at the fastest pace, sometimes you need to walk in between the jogs. Sometimes you need to stop to hydrate.
So this month, I hope to spend time in silence, hearing my breaths as I put intentions into everything I do.
Let this shard of myself be the color blue.
Pink June - Pigment of Passion
Kaleidoscope: